imagine one here lah

Run Away

2008-12-02T15:00:00.001+08:00

Every time I’m happy
It kinda feels so empty
I wonder if this feeling is wrong

All the time I sit here
Taking in the pills
I wonder what I did wrong

You say that I
Don’t have to cry
Just to live
My fucking life
I tell you

I can’t live
With this smile
Plastered to me face
Can’t live
With this
Never ending lie
I should just
Spread my wings and fly
Fly away
I can’t live
With this joke
Going all around
I’m meant for
Greater things than this town
Pack up
All my guts and run
Run away

Take a chance
Take a leap of faith
Take a break
Take whatever you need to start again
Join a band
Wreck a newsstand
Have some fun
Do whatever it takes to laugh again
Cuz

I can’t live
With this smile
Plastered to me face
Can’t live
With this
Never ending lie
I should just
Spread my wings and fly
Fly away
I can’t live
With this joke
Going all around
I’m meant for
Greater things than this town
Pack up
All my guts and run
Run away
Run far far away
Run away
Run away

Broken child

2008-11-16T15:09:00.000+08:00

Too much has happened
It cause you to be broken
So when will you come to me?

You live in your darkness
Guilt and desperation
So when will you come to me?

You don’t have to say a thing
I’ll love you all the same
So why don’t you come to me?

Like a broken child
You blame yourself
Too much so much
It doesn’t make sense
Like a broken child
I will love you so
So much so much
I’ll mend your broken soul

Put away your nightmares
They’re as real as you make them
So when will you let it go?

Take all your tears
Put them in a bottle
Throw it away and then let it go.

You don’t have to say a thing
I’ll love you all the same
So why don’t you come to me?

Like a broken child
You blame yourself
Too much so much
It doesn’t make sense
Like a broken child
I will love you so
So much so much
I’ll mend your broken soul

Like a broken child
You blame yourself
Too much so much
It doesn’t make sense
Like a broken child
I will love you so
So much so much
I’ll mend your broken soul

You

2008-11-08T20:32:00.001+08:00

You walk in and my strength walks out that door
You look at me and I look to the floor
You call my name and my mouth runs dry
You walk over and I wanna hide
So many times I dreamt about coming clean
Well, let’s just say that you dominate my dreams

You talk to me and I stammered out the words
You laugh at me and I felt a little hurt
You said to chill so I took a deep breath
You started over and wanna shake my hand
So many times I wished that this would happen
Well, let’s just say I didn’t plan my reaction

It’s so amazing
That when you walk in
Everyone just stops and stares
Maybe it’s your chiseled chest
Maybe it’s your glorious hair
But does it matter?
You make hearts flutter
And my thoughts just escaped the earth

You flash a smile and then walk up to me
Push me against the wall and started to lean in
Your lips touched mine and I went high
Oh, did I mention that was all in my mind
So many times I dreamt about coming clean
Well, let’s just say that you dominate my dreams

It’s so amazing
That when you walk in
Everyone just stops and stares
Maybe it’s your chiseled chest
Maybe it’s your glorious hair
But does it matter?
You make hearts flutter
And my thoughts just escaped the earth

Oh baby
You don’t know me
But I can’t stop thinking about we
Oh baby
You’re so pretty
When you’re around I start hyperventilating

It’s so amazing
That when you walk in
Everyone just stops and stares
Maybe it’s your chiseled chest
Maybe it’s your glorious hair
But does it matter?
You make hearts flutter
And my thoughts just escaped the earth

Dark Friends

2008-10-28T14:58:00.002+08:00

We met at the lowest points of our lives
Our masks were already wielded on tight
But the moment I looked at you
I could see it in your eyes

We sat together and spent a lot of time
I wore your mask down and you wore down mine
We drew our plans high up in the sky
Or sat in silence on the line

I didn’t have to say a word
You knew that you’ll always come first
And at that time

Nothing in the world could ever touch us
Our walls were so high we had our own sky
It could be sunny everywhere else
But we loved our rain
And we loved our clouds
Right in there
Our no man’s land
We found peace that we could understand

We were so lost and we had been used
Trusting in others had gotten us bruised
But if it wasn’t for all of that
I wouldn’t have found you

So many times we got our faith destroyed
All that change that fateful night
In this earthly masquerade ball
I could see me in your eyes

You didn’t have to say a word
I knew that I’ll always come first
So at that time

Nothing in the world could ever touch us
Our walls were so high we had our own sky
It could be sunny everywhere else
But we loved our rain
And we loved our clouds
Right in there
Our no man’s land
We found peace that we could comprehend

Oh it was perfect (I felt yoour pain)
Oh so perfect (I kept you sane)
And so I said

Nothing in the world could ever touch us
Our walls up so high
We drew futures in the sky
Let it be sunny everywhere else
We’ll sing with our voices
And create our own smiles
Right in there
Our no man’s land
We found happiness only we can have

Words I Should Have Said

2008-09-16T19:31:00.001+08:00

I was thrown into the sea
But I wasn’t taught how to swim
And as I close my eyes to die
I swear I saw a ray of light

I feel your arms encircle me
In a life saving embrace
And I feel myself get lifted
From my own misery

You were there
You heard my silent screams
You were there
You were there

How easily
You broke through my boundaries
You were the first to ever
Get so close to me
How easily
You became my saving grace
And all the words that I should’ve said
It’s too late

I was forced into the silence
Lost my ability to speak
You drew me out of my cave
And gave me everything I need

I never had to learn to share
You were mine and no one else
It took so long for me to see
That you were the one for me

You were there
Through all the silent years
You were there
You were there

How easily
You broke through my boundaries
You were the first to ever
Get so close to me
How easily
You became my saving grace
And all the words that I should’ve said
It’s too late
It’s too late

I lost it all
I ran away when you said you loved me
Forever and ever more
I got scared
I thought it would spoil everything that we had

How easily
You became my saving grace
And all the words that I should’ve said
And all the words that I should’ve said
It’s too late

confused

2007-12-17T16:11:00.000+08:00

after i start working and hang around msn alot lesser...i feel like i am so out of the loop...like missing out alot of things...why some are depressed while others are blowing hot and cold...haiz...when will people be honest with me so that i can know what to do...i feel like i am doing puzzle without the picture...every piece seems to fit together...but the picture looks disjointed...i wonder how long i need to play this guessing game b4 i chance upon any form of honesty...

2007-11-05T20:25:00.000+08:00

how dead can you feel when you are alive? can you forget to breathe? forget that you need to eat? forget pain...forget anything that contains feelings in them...forget so much that your heart starts to fail...fail to feel, to pump...you can almost feel it slowing down...like when you are falling asleep...

random-ness

2007-07-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes it hurts...most of the time it doesn't...mostly, i don't like it...but i still do it...cuz that's what i am conditioned to do...

it can hurt like a pen knife stuck into your flesh and slowly making a deep cut...or it can feel like the most natural thing to do...like an everyday thing...but no matter...in life...some times i win some and sometimes i lose some...it's probably just that my winning streak isn't here yet...

till then, i would do what i do best...and honor my promise...one that has beeen strictly abide to since i knew what it was...never wavering, never forgotten...i don't like what i am doing...but i'll do it nonetheless...

it hurts...

2007-04-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

i feel crippled...maybe that's what you should feel when you have no aim in life...like drifting through some substance thicker than water but finer than sand...no anchor point...no guidance...just you floundering around...

not happily, mind you...at this point of time...if i am still happy about having no aim in life, i must be out of my mind...

i used to think time was ample...i could enjoy life as a child...but come to think of it...i do not remember much of childhood memories...i even start to wonder if i had a childhood...or i wasted it away like what i am doing now...but how do you waste away a childhood?...A time of fun and games and i-don't-need-to-care...i just find it hard to believe that i could let it fall through my hands...

are you picturing sand falling out from between your fingers or are your hands trying to cage smoke?...such imagery like quite old....like cannot use liao...let's try something a little newer...try imagining yourself as a sock trying to trap wind...basically like that...you think you have trapped the wind, but slowly and surely they are flowing out of you...yah...that's the feeling...

i thought i had my childhood, but it just slipped me by unknowingly...i wasted good many years that i could have used to planned my future...but i chose to be a sock...and through years of wear and tear, i seem to have lost threads and my elasticity being more permeable...and now, the more i try to trap the oncoming wind, the faster it seems to leave me behind...i shouldn't have wasted those years...duh~...or i wouldn't need to drown in nothingness now would i? i guess it's upgrade time...i want to be a canvas.

2006-12-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

this is the art "the lost sheep"

2006-12-07T21:17:00.000+08:00

the name of this piece of art is "holding on to myself"

2006-12-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

2006-12-07T17:54:00.000+08:00

when life gets boring

2006-12-07T17:53:00.000+08:00

3/4 of the quadtet...

2006-12-07T17:50:00.000+08:00

the deer-caught-in-headlights look

2006-12-07T17:49:00.000+08:00

coins

2006-12-07T17:48:00.000+08:00

more random pics of coins

2006-12-07T17:47:00.000+08:00

more random pics of coins

2006-12-07T17:46:00.000+08:00

trolley slippers

2006-12-07T17:43:00.001+08:00

hahaha...look at the new style...trolley slippers!@!!will put more campland pics when i get them...

2006-12-07T17:43:00.000+08:00

campland

2006-12-07T17:41:00.001+08:00

part of gamelan

2006-12-07T17:41:00.000+08:00

part of gamelan

2006-12-07T17:40:00.000+08:00

we had a gamelan workshop yesterday...damn fun...trust me...you need a very good sense of internal rhythm and great ears to play this...but it is still fun even if i was laughed at several times because i could not get it...everyone got laughed at wat...by me...at least once...ha ha...oh well...

2006-11-30T21:35:00.000+08:00

america has the statue of liberty...we have the human of charity.

2006-11-30T21:34:00.000+08:00

racial harmony day!

2006-11-30T21:33:00.000+08:00

this is wat we call a massage stair...long day man

random

2006-10-25T20:41:00.000+08:00

darkness. the cell that have housed me for long. that darken history of vandalised memories and drunken emotions. i hate the light. to hate joy and happiness altogether. why? cause it is not practical, not real. pain was real, hurting means you are alive. alive enough. and the rest of the time, in a trance, until pain comes along again. in that cell, there's only you and no one else. everyone else didnt matter. no one can affect you in a negative way. you are too depressed to be traumatized anymore, and too addicted to pain to get hurt, too close to death to fear. food is negligent, you live on air and dapressed thoughts. they are like the drug you cannot live without. they keep you in that trance you never want to get away from. that trance you cherished with all your might, and whatever life and engery you can muster. that trance, that was your world, you solitude. your escape, your heaven in a darkened sense. can you not see? this life you have, colourful and rapidly changing is unreal and unfeeling. what they mask is what really is life. never ending progress of keeping the eco system running. you are but a small fry that takes part in the grand design. you are a creature of feelings, that's why you fell readily into the colourful trap they create to help you carry on living and keep the grand design running. but strip it all away, those emotions of yours, and you will soon see the true life you lead. and that's why many cannot escape the grips of the trance once they enter, because they want to escape the ugly reality.

but why many still chose the light over the darkness? because of natural selection. those who did not evolve to fit, you will soon realise, appear as nutrients served on your dinner plates. and maybe that's why humans are a grade higher than everything else, because we have feeling, emotions we cannot strip away even if we tried. that's why we cannot help but fall into the colourful traps carefully laid out.

I know

2006-10-07T19:52:00.000+08:00

I know what happened...haha...and i guess i am never going to lose sleep over that ever again...haha...i had a good laugh about the answer and i guess i just got over it...didn't know it would be so easy...getting over it...but it was...i guess maybe it's just because i needed to know the answer and not cause i care about what's behind it...

wat happened?

2006-09-08T04:10:00.000+08:00

i feel stupid losing sleep over something that happened more than one and a half years ago...and what is stupid-er is that i never knew what happened exactly...it was a wham bam tada kinda situation...i don't know...it was about two years ago...that incident...i liked him...i really did...and why the hell did i deny it?oh yah...nerves and pride...the price of being young....what really happened? until now..i am still deeply perplexed by this...even if it is my fault...i still think i deserve that right to know what i am apologising for...and what if i am wronged?at least hear two sides of an arguement before judgement, i thought it was like that...but they also said nothing in the world is fair...like my cousin say...two years le...it would mean that the answer is never meant to be found...so why brood over it?all you have to do is tell yourself you don't care anymore...and i think my cousin is right...so what if i knew?in the end, whether i knew the answer or not, the only thing that is ever going to change is my age...i wasted two years...i think that's enough time to mourn over the lost friendship...it's time to gather up the emotions and move on...maybe to something better, maybe not...but the most important thing is to let go of the past...always living in it won't make you stop aging anyway...

2006-05-14T22:27:00.000+08:00

injured

2006-05-14T22:26:00.001+08:00

trying very hard to be artisitc

2006-05-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

the black rose

2006-05-14T22:20:00.000+08:00

kinda apprehensive about going on the pre-U sem now that it is drawing near...it lasts for quite a long time reali...and it is the start of the hols...wonder if i can take it...relapse how?haiz...gona take a step at a time...

2006-04-30T19:58:00.000+08:00

people who are afraid of small spaces are also afraid?

2006-04-30T19:54:00.000+08:00

friends...dont mind the guys at the back though

2006-04-30T19:52:00.000+08:00

guess how much fries were eaten.

2006-04-30T19:51:00.000+08:00

contrast

2006-04-22T17:01:00.000+08:00

okay...i just came back from jalan bahetra camp yesterday afternoon...it was very very tiring...reali...but hella a fun time...to date...i counted 40++++ mozzie bites...very very cham...haha...must be the lack of light in our bunk...yah...so pitiful rite???out of the whole camp site...oni bunk 9 no lights...imagine waking up at early morn(4am!!!) then no light....so sian man...on the first day is kayaking...didnt get to do it due to the lack of time...oni our clz never do...kinda angry at it at first...but...i oready kayak before liao lah...so watever lorh...is the ppl who never kayak before that shud feel sad lah...then followed by tower elements...did abseiling, zipline and rock wall...just wana say sorry to my rock wall belayer..."paiseh...i reali duno how to differentiate left and right...plus i very scared up there...so i shouted at you...sorry!!"...haha...i think i like abseiling best...hee....the instructor say he would make me wave to him during the abseiling...but he still did...then i had to continue with oni my right hand at the back...scary sia...second day is high and low elements...did all of low elements but none of high elements...still dun dare go up there...haha...but i was belaying lah...so tiring...cuz the sun is in my eye...then still havta look up at the climber...but very fun lah...no regrets...out of the three day two night camp...i think the worst part is the food...no...it taste great...but was too little...yah..too little...i know can take all the rice i want..but...so much rice then nth else to go with...abit sian arh...bathing was no prob...just that bathe oready like never bathe like tt oni lorh...and our bunk so ant-infested...bathe already also no diff lah...and also we re-wear our shirts...aiya...camp is like tt one lah...everyone equally dirty de...haha...come home and scrubbed like shit before i dare to lie on my bed...on the last day we have to clean up the canteen in the 'big sweep'...fun lah...cuz it is the easiest to clean up...better than corridors and toilets...all in all...fun camp...dirty...tired...but fun...below are pics of the camp...enjoy...

2006-04-22T16:43:00.002+08:00

big sweep!! last day liao!!!

2006-04-22T16:43:00.001+08:00

the jalan bahtera cat

2006-04-22T16:43:00.000+08:00

ah girl and me in bunk on the last day...cannot take with ah boy because this is a girl's bunk...duh

2006-04-22T16:42:00.001+08:00

ODAC guy trying very hard...too hard...to get the fire going

2006-04-22T16:42:00.000+08:00

inside bunk 9...shoes and bags everywhere

2006-04-22T16:41:00.001+08:00

bunk 9!!!

2006-04-22T16:41:00.000+08:00

tower elements

2006-04-22T16:39:00.001+08:00

working together

2006-04-22T16:39:00.000+08:00

high elements

2006-04-22T16:34:00.000+08:00

me and ah girl with stuff toy on the trip to jalan bahtera

bad luck...lucky not me

2006-04-18T18:31:00.000+08:00

okay...funny incident...the tickers were walking home today and i decided to have an icecream...so i made ah boy hold on to my uniform...walking walking walking...ah girl commented that i eat icecream very fast...okay...fast forward...when i took my uniform back from ah boy...i found a stain on it...ah girl say is bird shit...ah boy pointed at me and laughed...he say i got bad luck...then i saw white stuff on his hand...i pointed it out to ah girl...we pointed at him and laughed...i said:"bad luck one not me but you!"

wat makes it even funnier??he is a clean freak...hahaha

2006-04-17T17:12:00.000+08:00

2006-02-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

Your Inner Child Is Naughty

Like a child, you tend to discount social rules.
It's just too much fun to break the rules!
You love trouble - and it seems that trouble loves you.
And no matter what, you refuse to grow up!

How Is Your Inner Child?

2006-02-12T13:59:00.000+08:00

i stoned half a day away on the day i got my O level results...honestly speaking...i am not very happy about it...and till now..i am still sore about it...shud have spent less time watching cartoons...gave stupid excuses to not study...however the oni reason i could not get my desired result was the crappy score i got for eng...haiz...who to blame but me and me alone?at least i could still stay in my JC with my current combi too...i hope most of my new friends stay with us as well...i will miss everyone of them if any left...if anyone is you are reading this...keep in contact k?dun forget me...i noe it is hard...i am not a person that many rmr most of the time...but do try...i will appreciate the effort...stress...you are the worst thing that ever happened to me...you crippled me and taut me...and i know there is no way i could ever get away from you...for you reside inside of me...eating away every little hope...i hate you...i despise you...but i need you all the same...

new year

2006-01-01T13:44:00.000+08:00

new year resolution for this year is to enjoy life!!haha... was at my cousin's place yesterday till this morning...reached home at about 430am this morning...wasplaying mahjong...haha...the weird thing is...the alcohol i drank yesterday at about 8pm only start to take effect like now...about 150pm...weird huh?unlike my cousin who turned super red and my auntie who started blabbering bullshit soon after they touched alcohol...was fun yesterday really...well...happy new year too all of you out there...noticed the leap second anyone?

School.

2005-12-30T17:15:00.000+08:00

how's my new skin? haha...i know i know...morbid...at least it looks "cleaner" than the past ones...not as complicated...

haiz...i am dying to go to school...bored to death liao...just rounded up my fanfic...haha...and also did an alternate ending cuz the one i wrote does not cater to the mass...wana watch wallace and gromit...

right...just saying a bunch of crap here cuz i am bored...

bored

2005-12-13T12:07:00.000+08:00

i am now sitting in my cousin's house waiting for a bloody file to attach. which wouldn't bloody attach...and now i am bored out of my skull. not reali keen on going home becuz lately there have been an addition of two young boys. seriously, i dun reali like them. the first day and they gave me a bad impression. not a gd way to start a long term partnership you know. plus dishonesty is not a gd value as well. shoudn't have given up on the baby gal. i kinda miss her now. OH! finally the file attached...now can go home and eat liao...damn hungry...just woke up like not long ago...havnt even eaten yet...haiz...kinda dread going home now...moreover the keyboard here is nicer to type on...shud come here and type my fanfic...nicer keyboard mean better work..rite...gotta go...

money$$$$$

2005-11-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

got a verbal promise from mum that i can watch 5 movies...all gona be paid by her...cool...was doing tarots infront of her and grumbling about the lack of cash in my hols and she was rather generous sia...not bad at all...studying has it's perks...haha...rite..gona start planning my shows...dun wana waste it on bad shows like "april snow" again...me and my fren nearly slept in during the show...maybe can find another show like "innocent steps"...or "the exorcist"...other one is gd...but three movies already decide liao...gona make wise decisions this time round...damn..i hate thinking...

2005-11-13T18:15:00.000+08:00

damn freaking out rite now...O's is like ending real super fast next week...sheesh am i high or wat...damn...si cant wait for it to be over and then i can truely enjoy life...after ten yrs of studying...this is one freaking big bloody break for me...even my friends have started planning they shedule after Os already...damn do people work fast...no more tok of exams...no more studying...no more anything man!!cant wait cant wait...just simply bursting with excitment...okay...i am being damn childish here...rite...shud go back to stoning infront of a book...

very eventful day

2005-11-07T21:14:00.000+08:00

event one:
lost NRIC...
today is the first day of O level's exams and i already lost my NRIC...haiz...lucky they accept my ez-link card as proof...anyway...went to make a police report abt it...guess wat?i learnt sth today...u do not have to make a police report when u lose ur NRIC...just go make a new one...wana report oso can lah...just extra lorh...but my dad insisted i make a report...so i did...and can i say?the policeman quite handsome yah...haha...

event two:
MRT...
okay..this is wat happen...i was on the mrt train ride back from bishan to yio chu kang with my fren...we saw this pair of teenage boys with a little gal in PAP uniform...i suppose it is her bro and her bro's fren...so anyway...she lifted her skirt and started dancing...her bro saw and tried to pull down her skirt, commenting that they shud have taken a taxi instead...the gal kept on her dancing with her uplifted skirt...my fren saw and pointed it out to me.so being normal teenagers, we laughed.apparently the little gal saw and came over to ask wat we are laughing at...we were kind enuff not to say we are laughing at her...then she started fiddling with my school badge...i though it was nth cuz she is young lah...so just let her fiddle lah...then she put her hand into my front pocket and "anyhow touch"...so i pulled her hand out and asked her wat she wants...she laughed and walked over to my fren and commented abt her bag...my fren commented back and the little gal laughed again...finally, she backed off to start her uplift skirt dance to the commuters of the cabin...and no...she does not wear pants under her skirt...weird...

event three:
exam
not much reali...just wana say i am reali lucky...out of six themes i studied three and all three came out...my fren studied four oni one came out...hahahahahaha...just wana say...damn lucky man!

new baby alert!!!

2005-11-01T13:16:00.000+08:00

rite!!got a new baby in my house nowadays...for those who knows about the first baby i had in my house...it's the same gal...just walkable this time...damn she is tiny...haha...i mean...how often do you see such a small being in her everyday life?plus...she is kinda a quick copy-er...seeing her do new things everyday....way cool...though she has quite a temper and bites hard...

why always must think of a title??troublesome.

2005-10-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

my fren gave me a mag all about gothic fashion and wicca...so cool...inside say that most people have a wrong impression of wiccans...in actuali fact...i duno when the misconception started...but i dun believe that the true wicca culture have anything to do with demons and satanism...it is all about nature and it's most basic elements...earth, air, water, fire and the spirit...but they do have spells and they practise tarots and the observations of auras...however...they do teach you NOT to curse anyone...or u will be cursed back 3 times...and best not try any spells...they normally backfire or do not work...maybe it's like a lesson about trying to be contented about wat u have and not be too demanding...oh...talk so much about wicca for wat..personally...i am still doubtful and rather scared by it...though hugely fasinated...it's all very new to me and naturely i am curious...recently wicca has been considered a religion in america...but america has a widely known reputation of being too open...not that it is bad...but...some things just dont work as well in my homeland...oh well...we'll see how it goes...maybe a new religion would come up and i would start getting interested all over again...or i get curious about other things...life's nvr tt predictable anyway...dont wana spoil the fun by committments...too heavy a burden to carry around...

2005-09-25T20:52:00.000+08:00

New Skin, New Entry

2005-09-19T21:30:00.000+08:00

yo ladies and gentlemen and thy faithful readers, i'm back to blog! so cheer and celebrate to your hearts content...
anyway, today's food for thought is how our society changes us, or more accurately, how our society changes the media which in turn changes us. recently, more and more people are concern with outward apperance, thus the term "dumb blondes". not that blondes are dumb or only blondes can be dumb, it's just a phenomenon that the media protrays. take for instance, Jessica Simpson (she thinks that buffalo wings actuali comes from buffalos). yah she is pretty and cury and sexy and whatever else, but can you disagree that she is dumb? guess not. but i will give her some credit. the dumb celeb list dun end there. there's paris hilton too. nobody knows their actual academic aggregates, or at least not i, jugding from their actions on screen, they totally fit the " dumb blonde" category. i'm sorry fans, personally, much as they are cute, they are bimbotic. maybe that's why they appeal to the crowd. after so many years of the " bow-wow" intecllectual hollywood actors, who can resist a few pretty blondes?but at least they are not anorexic or bulimic, or not that i am aware of. i don't get it why everyone wants to be skinny. i mean, look at angelia jolie, is she skin and bones?nah. but is she sexy?hell yah. so you see, being skinny isnt everything. look at the actoress who has gone to the point of skin and bones, skinny?yah. sexy? that leaves much to be debated. look at fergie and beyonce. a woman do not have to be skinny to be attractive. what is more feminine then being pregnant? so what is wrong with being abit rounded?actually you should feel more feminine. if you have time, go read the book "J.J." by jane green and u would understand more. well...ciao for now...

forgive and forgo

2005-05-01T14:56:00.000+08:00

sound oddly familiar?yah..the usual saying is to forgive and forget...wonder why...things can nvr be forgotten...try as hard as u want..it will always be there...haunting u...forever...the harder u try to forget...the more they do damage to u...so why try to forget?why not forgo?accept that wat done is done and cannot be undone and just move on...why try to escape it?u cant...it is part of u..u noe that...so do not try to escape it...acknowlendge it and accept it like ur own...then just let it sink in as ur past and move on...that way...not only will u feel freedom from ur haunting memories, u become more confident of urself...so wat if we have a past that is totally not wat we wanted it to be...who doesnt?do not forget...life is bed a bed of roses...it may seem as if it is totally perfect...however...who knew abt the unseen thorns and the pain they can cause?

damage control

2005-02-20T21:30:00.000+08:00

i think i seriously need to do some damage control...i have this crazy urge to see blood...to see people cry...and basically to have nothing to do with happiness...it is all coming back...overwhelming me...devouring me...and i am drowning...unable to breathe and think properly...i think i should eat more of my medicine...the dosage i am having now is losing its effect...it has come back to haunt me...to confiscate what i do not deserve...to punish me...and when i ask for help...everyone thinks i am joking...or that i will be strong enough...well..listen up...because i have never been strong and am not going to be strong...so give it up...this 40 Ann thing is killing me...so forget about asking me to go for more practises...and i know i am not the most perfect person to be ASL...but i am trying...but let's face it...i will never be a good one...i am never born with leadership skills...i just deal with people in a way that i know they will not want to hack me to death the moment i am alone...so if u are asking anything more...please raise your hand and put it where your mouth is...because i cannot take it anymore and you know it...so shut the hell up...and if you don't...i am telling you right now...if you think i am bad then fire me...

just another pointless entry

2005-02-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

okay...if u feel disgusted or annoyed to read another one of my depressing entery, plz close this window...i sjall not force u to read this...you dun have to if u dun want to...i understand that not everyone likes depressing things...

no one is ever there when i needed them...though i am the one to blame...i nvr did open up to them in the first place...even my best friend dun reali understand me...i noe i shud try to express myself more...kinda like put myself out there...or come out of my shell...however u like to put it...but everytime i try to express myself...i either cant open my mouth...or when i actuali found sth to say...it nvr make sense...everything is just so twisted inside me...i like, but i dun like...i want,but i dun want...i hate, but i dun hate...and that's only the beginning...maybe that's why no one listens to me...i say things that dun make any logical sense...yes i am jealous...jealous of those who can express themselves...those who can cry...those who can die...and those who can express themselves in artistic ways...i cant...and everything gets bottled up...even when it reach max volume...i cant still do nth to lessen the burden except shout at ppl who care...i nvr allow anyone near me...it is just wrong...or so i think...i am always this pillar figure who holds things up for others...and dun get me wrong...i like holding things up for others...but sometimes...i need a pillar i guess...but...i can nvr let anyone that close to me...i just...cant...maybe i shud just try the put-myself-out-there thing...so i can find someone who can understand me even when i duno how to express how i feel...perhaps that is why they call soul mates...or the ulimate friend...

Title-less

2005-01-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

got accused of not wearing school socks today...okay...i did not wear it...not that i do not want to...it is just that i can't...well...went through alot of trouble to get myself outta trouble...so now...i am free of trouble...yah...i think this school has funny regulations...i mean...does wat socks u wear affect the way we study? i mean...harlow...........socks are just socks...not like it is anything big...as long as it looks decent okay liao wat...moreover...they keep changing the designs and expect to us to buy and buy again...we very rich isit??alot of parents are starting to wonder why the school kept asking for money liao...now they even wana control the books we read...they want us to...i mean...order us to buy books from the book fair they "specially" provided for us...they claim that with the 15 bucks u spend on a book...u can exchange with ur classmates and read a total of 40 books by the end of the year...smart plan....NOT...i mean...if u get the same title as ur fren??or that there are people out there who do not like lending things to others...this watever reading programme thingy will never work lah...we are all just wasting money lorh...we dun print money k? neither do we grow them...

just another entry

2005-01-12T21:53:00.000+08:00

i noe i noe...very long since i updated...but i didnt think anyone would give a damn to read my blog lah...so i didnt update...but today...i had the right mood and the spare time..so wat the heck lah...life's been pretty rocky lately lah...with the sec4 things and my depression coming back...sometimes i really duno how to handle so much things at one go...i guess starting of the year has to be like that...maybe it will be less stressful as time goes by...trying to get my old life back...the depression is kinda like the tsunami thingy...it is only here for a very short period of time and it had totally brought my life to pieces...nothing was in shape and i had to reshape my whole entire life...from scratch...attitudes...principles...beliefs...everything...really really hard and all...but no complains lah...all my fault oso mah...who to blame??just that things just dun go my way and it makes it all the more difficult to fit back in...not that i dun wan to to fit in...i just cant...i seem too different...i think my set of thinking scares people...haha...wat can i say??i am a weird person...well...gotta end here...dun wana lose slp anymore...havnt been eating properly liao...cant lose slp as well...dun wana be zombie..

the difference between crush and like...

2004-09-18T15:47:00.000+08:00

many people often tell their crushes they like them...but however... there is a big difference between a crush and someone u like...someone once told me that if u crush a person, u will feel stress around that person, act all weird, get nervous and all...but in the presence of the person u like...u feel comfortable to be who u are, and not wat u want tt person to see abt u...crush is when u look at a person and go "wow"...it is purely visual...ath that is deeper than the surface either goes unnoticed or uncared for...crush is like when u admire someone...either as a clzmate, friend or brother...purely innocent...and nth more...however...like is totally different thing...when u like a person...u dont act weird around that person...and all u wan is for that person to be happy...liking is not visual at all...it's all abt feelings...even the slightest thing abt tt person makes u smile...the handwriting, the memories or jus the name makes u smile unconsciously...tt person might not look like the prince charming/princess u have always wanted...but somehow...u still like tt person...crushes are people u leave behind when u move on in life...but a person u like...u can nva forget...

2004-08-17T20:38:00.000+08:00

i had the urge to write sth here lah...but everytime i actuali took the time to visit this site...i got this mental block and duno wat i wana write anymore...maybe it is cause nobody ever sees it bah...so no point actuali writing here lorh...haiz...okay...this time i am gona make an effort and actuali write sth lah...let's see...been on sugar low lately...in other words...kinda low and depressed...i hope i get help soon...or i will get more and more imbalanced de...exam period now...i know i shud study and all lah...but...jus cant...never been a gd student anyway...results are always average no matter wat i do...i think it is my standard bah...yah...must be...deprived of msnmsgr now...suffering from the withdrawal symptoms now...weird lah... i know... i mean msnmsgr dun cause addiction of any sort right??nvm lah...i have always been the weird one...got used to it liao...whether i like it or not...doesnt matter anymore...have learnt tt no matter how hard u try and how much u wana believe tt u can change ur life...it jus nvr happens...it moulds u to fit it...ur role in life has been decided way before u even set foot in this world...and the creator will not change ur role...for it spoils the plan he/she has created long ago...so long...nobody even knows when...so why are we still playing the game??duno...maybe i will find out after i die or sth...

duno

2004-07-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

life jus sucks...dun u think??one minute u are happy, the next u wana evaporate off the surface of the earth...duno y things jus nvr stay gd long enuff for one to be sick of it...haiz...

lalala...

2004-07-17T18:51:00.000+08:00

missed the thanksgiving performance today...haiz...kinda sad i did cuz it is my senior's last performance...sorry babe...cant be there for u...hmm...went to see the doc today...fever still not down yet...cant eat rice...must eat bread...haiz...i hate bread...my only consolation is tt my throat is not sore anymore...trying to do as much hw as i can b4 my head starts aching again...gtg...tata...

sick

2004-07-16T22:23:00.000+08:00

eating noodles in my room right now...haiz...i hate having fever...cant eat rice and headaches are drvin me nuts...went to PTC today...weird lah...somehow...ms tang seems alot nicer in PTC than in clz...maybe if she as nice to the parents as she is to us we might score beta...haha...anyway...she finally found out why i am not scoring for my a maths...i hope she will just accept it as it is and not try to change it...haiz...if she starts pinpointing me...i will die...though i dun mind if she gives me extra lessons...i need it anyway...jus not extra hw...anyway...my results kinda suck lah...not very happy abt it...but...wat can i do??jus gotta study harder i think...if i can tt is...this time already study very hard le...but somehow i am not scoring...must be the paper's fault bah... :p...oh...mr tan actuali remembers me calling him mr physics...heehee...tt's pretty cool...

hmm...

2004-07-15T19:50:00.000+08:00

got throat infection right now...pure bad luck...tml still got choir...how to sing???die lah...mrs wong sure kill me de...haiz...all becuz of jojo and gp...jojo chased me outta of the sch and gp reccomended curry puffs...then got throat infection immediately after eating it...idiot...so pain...luckily tml not full dress...last day of bio course today...kinda wasted lah...cuz i reali like it...haha...but next will be the reserach on food science...haha...the motherly-figure can research on his favourite bread liao...the tester reali very bad luck...(and i already noe hu the tester is..heehee...)...haha...end here liao...gotta go read comics...

wat a day

2004-07-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

crap-ish kinda day today...found out that on friday...i am down to see ms tang in my PTC...so bad luck!!!must be my a maths results liao lah...haiz...i just hope she won't ask me back for tuition every week...tt's gona kill me...then got the news that my wits group is going to competition...heard tt it is not gd...duno lah...oni noe that it means more work and more effort...still havta duno do wat to the once dead plant...was the first to go to the chinese o'level oral...saddening that i didnt get to finish reading the passage b4 i went in...then the teachers look so fierce and all...didnt reali stammer lah...but it was bad...way bad...so sad after tt...i think going to fail liao lah...haiz...at least the bio course was fun...seeing that nth exploded and all...just some flammable chemical was poyred on some guy there..hope he dun burst into flames on his way home..tt would be rather sad...oh..and saw this guy that look like HIM...so funi...a long time since i found sumone that look slike HIM...although this is the smaller version of HIM lah...haha...aiya...end here liao...gotta do a maths hw liao... c",)

today

2004-07-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

yah...first day of bio course...not bad leh actuali...kinda like it...the teacher way way beta than the one we have...way cool...even the kids are smarter...way smarter man...tml got o level chinese oral...duno can make it there mah...hope so bah...cuz tml will be even beta...got two reali cool experiments...i think i reali cant walk in the rain..yesterday walk in the rain and got slight fever...the today again bad luck have to walk in rain...now even worse...big big headache since this afternoon...till now...after eating the bread even worse...now wana vomit... i hate bread sia...duno y ppl can like it...totali sucks...BREAD SUCKS!!!!

juz being stupid

2004-07-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

yah...my old blog seems to have a major technical fault...so i blog here lah...hope can get posted...life sucks as usual...tt day was the best liao...saw this huge pile of blue mats(the gym use tt one)...then was trying to see if can climb up...didnt reali plan to sit up there...but being the stupid me...i sat up there...and becuz of my stupidness..i cant get down...in the end have to use the parapet as a stepping stone to get down...nearly scared the hell outta me...geez...actuali kinda funi when i look back on it...quite gulity lah...broke my promise to my god-bro...last saturday was the third liao...sorry sorry...but jus cant help it lah...nobody was there to stop me anyway...it was placed infront of me...and it was said to be gd...so...forgive me...i was told it wasnt wrong...so...watever...cant believe i did such a stupid thing as to cry in sch today...so "throw face"...reali didnt wan ppl to see me like tt de...but cant help it oso...duno wat's wrong with me lately lah...must be that internal struggle thingy lah...thanks to those who came to ask abt me...thanks for ur concern...i reali appreciated it...dun worry...i will be fine de...