i feel crippled...maybe that's what you should feel when you have no aim in life...like drifting through some substance thicker than water but finer than sand...no anchor point...no guidance...just you floundering around...

not happily, mind you...at this point of time...if i am still happy about having no aim in life, i must be out of my mind...

i used to think time was ample...i could enjoy life as a child...but come to think of it...i do not remember much of childhood memories...i even start to wonder if i had a childhood...or i wasted it away like what i am doing now...but how do you waste away a childhood?...A time of fun and games and i-don't-need-to-care...i just find it hard to believe that i could let it fall through my hands...

are you picturing sand falling out from between your fingers or are your hands trying to cage smoke?...such imagery like quite old....like cannot use liao...let's try something a little newer...try imagining yourself as a sock trying to trap wind...basically like that...you think you have trapped the wind, but slowly and surely they are flowing out of you...yah...that's the feeling...

i thought i had my childhood, but it just slipped me by unknowingly...i wasted good many years that i could have used to planned my future...but i chose to be a sock...and through years of wear and tear, i seem to have lost threads and my elasticity being more permeable...and now, the more i try to trap the oncoming wind, the faster it seems to leave me behind...i shouldn't have wasted those years...duh~...or i wouldn't need to drown in nothingness now would i? i guess it's upgrade time...i want to be a canvas.